Trauma and Abuse Resources
We have compiled this page of resources to aid our congregation with managing, coping with and growing after traumatic experiences.
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7 Guidelines for Conversation
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Trauma and abuse can be extraordinarily difficult to talk about. Here are some encouragements for how to relate to and care for others during any time of collective processing (click each guideline below for more detail):
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It is easy for us to talk and think as though God is not part of the equation and won’t show up for us or be near us. But he is always with us and always ready to enter into our pain, confusion, frustration, fear, loneliness, anger, shame, uncertainty, etc. Talk with each other like God is in the room too.
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Before difficult conversations, consider taking 5 minutes to pray and prepare your heart, asking God to make you sensitive to how he would lead and careful with your words and actions. This helps us keep God in view when we spend time together.
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Don’t assume someone is ready or willing to talk about the topic. It can be very helpful to just ask, before speaking about the situation, if someone is open to talking about it. Maybe they will be, maybe they won’t. Maybe they can listen to you share, but will not be ready to share themselves. Asking permission helps create space for each other when we need it.
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We will all make mistakes in how we talk about this with each other. We will inevitably hurt or offend someone (intentionally or unintentionally). Let’s expect that we will make mistakes and do our best to be quick to ask forgiveness and quick to offer it. If we can expect that 5-10% of the time we will make mistakes or offend, those mistakes and offenses can become less of a thing we feel like condemns us or means we’ve failed and more like something that, by grace, we can come back from.
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It is easy for us to prioritize having the exact right ‘view’ on how to process or respond. We can focus on being ‘right’ rather than on loving the person standing in front of us – who is equally made in the image of God, equally loved by God and equally redeemed and promised grace. Instead, let’s prioritize love and our relationship to each other when we walk in the uncertainty.
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Have a curiosity for understanding what someone is communicating, rather than moving towards evaluating what they say first if you don’t think you agree. The more we can try to genuinely listen to and understand the other person, the better able we’ll be to prioritize relationship.
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Resist speculating on what may or may not have happened if details have not been shared with you. While it is hard not to be curious, it is right and good to let our minds be quiet before the Lord and entrust him with the knowledge we do not have.
Mental Health and Traumatic Experiences
Presentation slides from the talk Trauma and Healing 101 by Brennan C. Mallonee, LMHC (posted with permission).
Detaching From Emotional Pain (Grounding) - set of strategies to facilitate “healthy detachment” from emotional pain
Self-Care Assessment - to help you learn about your self-care needs by spotting patterns and recognizing areas of your life that need more attention
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Abuse Response Training Materials
From churchcares.com…
We believe every church must be equipped to respond well in the initial stages of learning about instances of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. That is why we created Becoming a Church that Cares Well for the Abused. This training curriculum of a handbook, an introductory video, and 12 lesson videos brings together top experts from various fields to help leaders understand and implement the best practices for handling the variety of abuse scenarios at church, school, or ministry. The most comprehensive training is experienced by using the handbook and videos together.
You may also refer to the Ad Interim Committee Report on Domestic Abuse and Sexual Assault that was prepared for the 49th General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church in America.
Resources For Parents
Talking to your Child about Sexual Abuse provides some helpful tips for addressing sexual abuse with children and youth. This sample script from Kelly Miller, LMHC is offered to guide parents in talking about the abuse report with their children.
Teaching Touching Safety Rules is a resource to help parents teach kids about their bodies, personal space, and safe and unsafe touches.
Parents may also contact the Middlesex County Child Advocacy Center for information on how to communicate these things to your children and what to do if you believe your child has been a witness to or experienced abuse.
Parents might also find the following books helpful in educating their children to protect themselves and their bodies…
MinistrySafe provides online sexual abuse awareness training to equip individuals to better understand the risk of child sexual abuse. If you would like access to this training (about an hour long self-paced video series), please email our Children’s Ministry Team for more detials.
In an online conversation with the Trinity Forum, Rachael Denhollander (attorney, author, advocate, and educator recognized as a leading voice on the topic of sexual abuse) answers the question: How do you protect your children from abuse, even from infancy?
CONTACTS
If you have something you would like to report, get information or guidance on, please contact the individuals listed as appropriate.
Laura Bullock (Church Administrator, mandated reporter): report@ctkcambridge.org